Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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