New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
