I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
