i permit you to call me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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