Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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