It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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