I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
