I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
