Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
