I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
