so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
BRING THE BAGELS
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
