You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
