I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
