ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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