so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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