Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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