In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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