You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
