I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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