so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
