Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
