I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
