google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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