I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
