Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
