she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
