i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This baby is an asshole
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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