I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
