Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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