This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
