the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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