at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
