If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
