The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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