Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize
