is your mom at the bar?
your parents love me but you hate me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
