I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
