I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
