I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
