Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
