dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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