I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
