Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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