I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
