i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
