Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
