if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
