There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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