My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
