What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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