you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
