this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
