So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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