I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
