AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
