Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
