Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
