Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
