final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
