Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
