yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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