Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
