3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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