I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
