i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
