hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
