Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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