I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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