hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
