Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
