hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
