The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Someone came in the potted fern
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
