I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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