I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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