My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
