I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
