Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Two words: blizzard sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
