i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
