the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
