At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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